Blockstream Core Press Release

BLOCKSTREAM VOLCANO LAIR – Blockstream Core, masterminds behind SEGWIT, today released their reaction to SegWit's activation.

Blockstream CEO Adam Back said on hearing the news, "I am thrilled that our patented SegWit™ technology has been smoothly adopted. Our technology provides unprecedented business opportunities for the entire banking industry, possibly with some other fringe applications."

On the way back to NSA headquarters, Blockstream psyops engineer theymos gave a statement by phone, saying "As a long-time employee of BitMain, I am proud to have been even a small part of this grand achievement, brought to you by the great folks at the Bitcoin Foundation. While Goldman Sachs does not always get the best reputation, I think that our actions here have thoroughly proven that the Bilderberg Group is merely a normal, benevolent group of people."

Luke Dashjr, whose UASF support proved essential to SegWit's success, announced plans for a new, non-Bitcoin UASF which would softfork the decimal number system into Tonal, finally addressing the covert deciboost attack which has been ongoing for millennia.

Although his identity remains unknown, the Supreme Troll Army Commander was heard issuing a command to "execute order 141" to all troll army lieutenants.

"THE SCREAMS OF THE INNOCENT WILL ECHO THROUGH MY HALLS", said Blockstream CTO Greg Maxwell from his skull throne. He proceeded to carve "1MB" into a shrieking supplicant's flesh while laughing manically.

All in all, spirits are high and tensions low at Blockstream Core HQ, even despite the ominous timers which fill every wall, slowly but inexorably counting down to some unknown event which lead developer Wladimir will only describe as "an EARTH-SHATTERING surprise which only those who have experienced Bitcoin's TO-THE-MOON journey will be able to truly appreciate." I guess we'll just have to wait and see what's next for Bitcoin!

submitted by /u/theymos
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